Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
