Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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