Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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