yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
