This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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