glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
