he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
