I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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