Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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