What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
