We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
