dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
