return my video game
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
