bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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