dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
