her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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