Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
