I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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