She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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