You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
