I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize