Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
