your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
