He asked to "fluff my boner.."
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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