Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just gargled with NyQuil
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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