remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
