Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
soo... how was my night?
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