Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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