I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
