Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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