remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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