god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
