One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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