I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
