What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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