What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Drake has all the answers
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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