I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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