he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize