Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
