Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
