It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
