I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize
