I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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