Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
