if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
