I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
