I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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