he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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