i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
