The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
