Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
