honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
