I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
