I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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