would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
