he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
COCAINE IS GR8
These tits shall not be calmed
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
