i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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