You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
