ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
