It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sober January is a disaster.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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