one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
