dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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