wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize