I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
my poor anus
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize