Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
