i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
