Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
