so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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