I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
