my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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