Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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