Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
