i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
