He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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