Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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