can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
