the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
