Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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