Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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