just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize