it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
