hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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