lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
