the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
