I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
