the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
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