They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
