I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
