Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
