Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
