I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
