true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
