She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
