Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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