News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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