Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
